#and talk about my own asexuality

[polaritydisturbed]

I think one of the funniest ongoing fandom debates is when people try to “disprove” the idea that the Doctor could be asexual or on the ace spectrum. Like, someone will say, “They can’t be ace—they made a horny joke once,” or, “But they said they had a wild summer with Houdini!” And every time I hear it, I just want to cup my hands over my mouth, close my eyes, and sigh in deep disappointment.

Because, first of all: a) Asexuality isn’t a binary switch. Ace people can and do have sex, enjoy it, and make dirty jokes. Being ace doesn’t mean you’re allergic to the concept of horniness—it just means your relationship to it is different. And b) Have you met any ace-spectrum people? Because some of the filthiest, most shamelessly raunchy individuals I know are ace or demi. Myself included. I’m demi, one of my best friends is ace, and the sheer number of cursed, unhinged conversations we’ve had would make Casanova blush.

People get so wrapped up in the idea that being ace means being emotionally distant, sexless, or repressed—and that’s just… not true. At all. The Doctor could absolutely be ace, demi, gray-ace, or anything else on the spectrum and still flirt, make suggestive comments, or even engage in relationships. One doesn’t cancel out the other.

Ace folks contain multitudes. So does the Doctor. Let’s not pretend those things are mutually exclusive.

[technically-human]

Since you mentioned your Stone being ace and June being in two days (at least, in my timezone and when I'm sending this): does Rob let him decorate the lab for Pride, if he himself has not?

I think Stone wouldn't, simply because he doesn't like to draw attention to any aspect of himself, including his sexual identity. He might do something more subtle, like wearing a tie with the colors but not the pattern.

On the other hand, Rob wouldn't decorate the lab with the pan flag because 1) it clashes with his own color scheme and 2) he's bitter no one has ever loved him, ya know?

But that's just what I think

[scliffe]

Just a personal observation; but Ciel’s trauma triggers that have been shown so far seem to not be sexual at all. When he had to approach Viscount Druitt, or when he was being assaulted by Maurice Cole and his friends, he was still acting out a part and did not seem genuinely afraid—he knew that Sebastian or Greenhill and Edward would come to his rescue. People often comment on how these must have been scary or triggering for him, but honestly I don’t see it. Even when he was straight-up molested by Sullivan (though this was played for laughs) or even when Sebastian, a grown man, stripped him and bathed with him; these did not trigger his trauma either.

Instead; in the Book of Circus, he had the PTSD attack after seeing the doctor kill the child on the altar. In the Green Witch arc, it was Sebastian’s hands—not being naked with him—which reminded him of how he was force fed. He seems to be touch-averse and dislike being touched by strangers in general; and it does not matter whether the touch is sexual in nature or not—he hates it equally. In both attacks, the main source of trauma seems to be the memory of losing his brother—as he kept recalling how Ciel was brutally stabbed, instead of the CSA.

Of course, trauma works differently on different people and it might just be storytelling choices to keep it PG-13, but I think Ciel might have simply been too young to fully understand the sexual abuse that happened to him—or it’s just not the most traumatic event for him in comparison to losing his brother.

Even though he claims to design his revenge for his own sake alone instead of for his brother or his family; Ciel’s death certainly plays a big, major part in his trauma. I think that when you’re committing revenge for deceased loved ones as opposed to for yourself; it can be quite detrimental for your resolve when you start thinking things like “Would my loved ones even want to see me like this? Or would they have preferred to see me live happily?” It would taint the image of the deceased—of course your loved ones should want you to live happily instead of ruining your own life for revenge—which is what happened in GWA with the image of Vincent, Rachel, and Ciel asking him if he was doing it for them and telling him that no one asked him to have revenge. But even if the deceased didn’t want him to have revenge; Ciel has already made up his mind to pay back the people who dared to trample not only on his family but also on himself, so his resolve simply strengthens and instead this gave him more conviction to go against his twin brother in the next arcs.

Sebastian has also teased Ciel about his innocence before—though obviously Ciel knows to be embarrassed from physical display of or closeness with the opposite sex (he’s 13 not 3); his concept of sexual attraction seems to still be rather juvenile.

Additional thought, r!Ciel seems to be used to Undertaker’s touch just as our Ciel is normally used to Sebastian’s touch; but seeing how he reacted violently to Soma touching him, r!Ciel might also be touch-averse just like our Ciel is. Or maybe he’s just secretly jealous that his brother has other friends.

[crescentlyautumn]

You know what’s funny? How I can say that I headcanon a character as somewhere on the ace spectrum and/or aro spectrum, and within minutes I am being treated as if I am somehow very unintelligent and know nothing of the world.

[kewpiekills]

it blows my mind that you and so many other wonderful smut artists arr asexual..... ur goated!!!!!!!!!!! and ur not even grttin high off your own supply!! thats crazy 2 me. keep living ur life i think you should be allowed to kill whoever you want

i mean i do definitely jerk off to my own stuff, but not all of it is necessarily what i’m into, i’m not sex repulsed if that makes any sense! and there are so many more fetishes i find so so cool and interesting but do not sexually interest me that i’d love to draw someday…

sex and erotica is a very complex thing to draw so it’s such a fun challenge to take on as an artist. as someone who takes on nsfw commissions it’s always such an honor to make art about people’s most secret and personal desires, it’s such a bit responsibility but i love shouldering it!!

[insonniacaotica]

Me when I can write the part of the fanfic where the character goes home to his supportive and loving parents: :)

Me when I remember that in the canon that character died and never came home: :(

Fic: The old, dear rocks

[queernobi]

I'm not saying people need to stop shipping what they like or anything like that, but I find it weird that we have no shortage of people who get angry when a queer person is shipped in relationships that appear to be heterosexual, especially if the characters themselves are exclusively homosexual, but you have people bend over backwards to ship Alastor is a multitude of relationships (primarily with Lucifer, from what I've seen) despite the fact that he is a) canonically asexual and aromantic and b) is clearly NOT the type of aroace to want to have romantic or sexual relationships with people.

Like. Again, not saying you can't ship whatever (I don't even care if you ship exclusively gay characters in straight relationships!), but it's weird that people take one of these things very seriously and as some sort of affront to queer culture, but the other is totally fine because "aroace people can still enjoy sex and relationships," with little to no respect to aroace people who clearly...don't want those things?

I'm not even aroace, and I think this shit is weird and fucked up.

[bisexualseraphim]

Also, I refuse to entertain the discourse as to whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not, but I will say it’s really fucking lonely — especially if you fall somewhere on the spectrum that’s a little more unconventional.

I’ve discussed many times before how I feel absolutely no attraction whatsoever except towards my lovely partner. I went through the phases queer men tend to: exploring many types of pornography and cruising on Grindr. I really tried, and none of it has ever done anything for me. It wasn’t until I started having sex with my partner that I realised, ohhh, so that’s how most people feel. And even then, enjoying sex with him is far more of an intimacy thing than the actual physical sensations. I do not fantasise about other people or consume porn. There is only him.

And yet when I’ve spoken about this in acespec spaces, I’m still treated as some sort of weirdo who doesn’t belong. I’ve literally been told many times that I can’t be demisexual because demis will still fantasise and consume porn (although that doesn’t line up with my understanding that demis require a close bond to feel sexual attraction, but never mind), and I’ve even been accused of having some weird internalised Christian puritan shit going on because I genuinely cannot comprehend ever looking at or thinking about someone in that way who isn’t my man. As if anything about this is a choice for me and it is offensive to them somehow. As if only feeling attraction to one person is like… “worse” than never feeling any attraction at all. I’ve never once shamed others for how they experience sex and sexual attraction and never would, yet people act like that’s what I’m inherently doing just by speaking about my own experiences.

So no, I won’t say whether acespec people are “oppressed” or not because honestly, when is this shit ever going to come up in conversation and ever be that relevant? But the fact I don’t feel I can talk about it even amongst other queer people, even amongst others in the acespec community, kind of speaks for itself.

Being a queer man who can’t relate to all the stereotypes and anecdotes about enjoying casual sex is one type of loneliness. Being a queer acespec man who can’t even relate to most others in the acespec community is another. I can never win, and either way I do not fit in.

[our-alterous-experience]

i love being explicitly alterous. I love keeping convential attraction I don’t feel textually out of the conversation. I love seeing loveless aros explicitly reject love. I love seeing asexuals deliberately represent their separations from their feelings and what they wish to do with themselves. I love writing out what everyone has assumed of us for so long. There is soooo many ways allonormativity gets pressed on in culture but there are so many ways it has exceeded that as well. I love people talking about this non sexual attraction driven sex life. I love aros talking about their non romantic love life. I love the fucking spectrum of different ways we find being most comfortable for ourselves that is different than what many people have assumed or judged for even passively. Friends, family, strangers, they go out of their way to say weird stuff about these experiences or labels or life choices sometimes and they don’t even know people are living full lives. I love seeing even a fraction of a look into those full lives. Because honestly, not everyone needs to know or hear the labels that fit me in order for me to explain my experience and have it be something that works for me. And I love every single person in the queer community that is able to find themselves through these things in queer subcultures. It’s existed within many trans, lesbian, and gay spaces as well, and it’s one of my favorite things about the larger lgbtqia+ model. lesbians talking about specifically lesbian love. trans people talking about t4t love. same with many others. there are big umbrella terms that fit within have many of these labels. It’s beautiful, it’s individual, and it’s what so much of our modern history has been built on. Going outside the norm, conforming to our hearts instead of with being told it isn’t natural. It is. It really is.

[miitopia-cake]

Some of you really need to realize that appreciating and including other people's queer experiences does not undermine your own and you need to leave them alone.

[triptychofvoids]

Howdy howdy, this is kind of based on the last ask-and-subsequent-answer, but what are your feelings towards your partner like? Like, what does it feel like? I’m also aroace, or at least I think I’m aro, but it’s kinda hard for me to figure out whether I love my friend romantically or platonically. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before, and we’re both autistic so I see love kinda differently than what’s portrayed in media. I’m just having trouble parsing my feelings, and I think it might help to hear about your experiences/thoughts, if you’re cool with sharing! I know it’s a spectrum so it’s not going to be the exact same for you as it is for me, but I think it’d at least help give me a perspective other than my own and the perspective of nt people/media!

Anyhoo it’s really cool to see another aroace person living happily and comfortable with his identity. Just…you’re cool.

from one autistic aroace to another, i assure you that your difficulty parsing feelings is not solely unique aheh.... well! before i get into answering this, ill have to state that i am certainly not the stereotype.. namely, i am the opposite of the sex/romance adverse person many people tend to think of when they hear aroace...

now, when it comes to my feelings towards my partner (without getting too detailed) ive found i often dont differentiate between platonic and romantic very well at all. for the longest time i never even thought there was a difference between the two, and i still struggle to differentiate them even now. however, from what ive learned, most people that are not aromantic have a list of behaviors and feelings they would consider inappropriate to do with/feel towards a friend, and that they would only do/have with a romantic partner in most cases. but my personal opinion on it is that a platonic relationship can be just as important and valuable as a romantic one, but its up to you to determine what sort of behaviors you are wanting to engage in with another person, and see if that want is mutual. in my case with my own partner, that includes affection and things that are probably seen as romantic to most! but like i said, i dont see the act of being affectionate as something purely romantic or platonic. it just is, and you have to decide if thats something you want or not. i could go on but i think you get the idea. its confusing, and the line is very thin in my experience.... my partner is also someone i consider to be one of my best friends, and the friendship aspect came before the committed relationship aspect, if that helps!

when it comes to the sexual side of things (again, without getting into too much detail) you still have to do some self-reflection and decide what it is that you want or do not want! but one thing that i can talk about from experience is that most people that are not asexual will feel sexual attraction simply by looking at their partner, and i do not. hence me being asexual aheh.. but there are many other kinds of attraction! in my case i do find my partner to be pleasant to look at, but i like to use the comparison of a piece of art or a landscape. as in, a beautiful sunset can sometimes seem like you are viewing heaven itself but generally speaking that beautiful sunset, pretty as it is, will not be sexually arousing. i also think its important to know that there is a difference between libido and attraction and it can be good to keep that in mind when looking at other peoples (or your own) experiences as well.

so... there is just a very small amount of my experience and thoughts on the matter. my feelings as an aroace person who is favorable towards romance and sex are likely going to be very different from an aroace person who is sex/romance adverse though. the point being, that having little to no romantic/sexual attraction is the core of being aroace, but beyond that its entirely up to the individual what their wants and needs are! i am happy to share my experiences though!

[full-of-malice]

really annoying and exhausting when people only want to acknowledge aspecs and arospecs to further their own agenda and help uphold purity culture. they love using the identity of asexual as some sort of gotcha moment, as if to flaunt how little they actually know or care about us like okay then

[timove]

Certain moments really remind me that yes, I am, indeed, asexual

[impossible-rat-babies]

it’s so funny that I went into veilguard not knowing a single thing about plot or the companions and picked the one who is ace. how did I manage that

[pinewoodpipit]

Some of my thoughts about writing smut which I thought I'd share.

For those who don't know, I'm on the ace spectrum, and I also have disabling health issues which affect my intimate life. I am not going to go into any more detail than that, as it's private. That said, though, it proves to be a challenge when writing smut, as I'm approaching it from the perspective of an outside observer.

I think sex scenes can be used just like any other scene; like a fight scene, I enjoy writing them from the viewpoint of exploring characters, and ideally progressing their growth and/or the plot in each encounter. Not every sex scene will do this - I've written smut one-shots which don't really explore characters, and those are because it's actually a fun kind of scene for me to write from a technical standpoint, outside of storytelling.

I see very often that people reduce erotica to just being mindless porn, or indicating that writing with smut in it has inherently less substance and worth than writing without it, regardless of how carefully written the smut is. I pretty vehemently disagree with this viewpoint.

Sex scenes, in my opinion, are a writing tool, just like any other. Writing good sex is a skill of its own and it's one I'm still developing, but it's absolutely something that has worth, and I think it's a huge shame that so much of the writing community treats it with some kind of contempt, as if it's somehow inherently lesser than, when sex is an incredibly important and human topic, and suggesting it shouldn't be talked about can be an incredibly slippery slope to the kind of tight-lipped purity culture attitude which leads to shaming people for having sex within queer communities, and other such dangerous things.

I have a fic about ace-spectrum Fade upcoming where I plan to talk about this topic a fair bit, but I wanted to talk about it here, too. I'm very passionate about it. Purity cultures regarding sex, particularly between queer people, is a dangerous thing to back into that can very easily lead to conversations which frame sex (particularly LGBTQ+ sex) as some kind of perversion rather than something completely natural, and I will always defend erotica as an art form as valuable as any other.

[killmymind]

does anyone else feel like sex is a chore or is just me and that reddit user